Black like Your Soul

When did you stop having fun? At what point did you think it’d be a good idea to start drinking your coffee black? Because let’s be clear, almost nobody goes straight black coffee from the jump, and the ones who do are the ones you need to watch out for the most.

So when did life get so bad that’d instead of actually enjoying a nice cup of coffee with a little bit of milk and sugar in it, you now only use it for it’s medicinal benefit of caffeine. Oh, you actually enjoy your coffee black? Liar. No one does. It’s the equivalent of liquid dirt with a side of bitter. I mean I get the no sugar and only (almond) milk route. No milk and only sugar is a little weird if I’m being honest, but at least it’s not completely black. So why would someone drink their coffee black?

Lets look at the kind of people who drink their coffee black. For starters, probably a little pretentious. Think about when you add milk and sugar to your coffee in front who someone who drinks it black. First there’s that unmistakable look of disgust that is shortly followed by them nearly exploding with word vomit just to let you know that they drink their coffee black. Almost like how a Vegan can’t wait to tell you that they’re a Vegan (not all). And news to me in the process of writing this blog, but studies show that people who drink their coffee black are more likely to be psychopaths–nothing we couldn’t have already guessed though, right?

“The research, which comes from the University of Innsbruck in Austria, examined the taste preferences of about 1,000 people, finding those who preferred more bitter notes in foods like black coffee scored higher on a series personality questionnaires that assessed Machiavellianism, a term used in psychology to describe personalities that are dark, psychopathic, narcissistic and sadistic.”

Last but not least, people who enjoy their coffee black probably don’t enjoy foreplay either. Purely anecdotal but I have a strong hunch that I’m right about this one.

So by now, if you drink your coffee black, you’re probably somewhat triggered. You’re probably sitting there looking for a rebuttal. “People who add milk and sugar to their coffee don’t even really like coffee. Or people who add milk and sugar are too much of a pussy to drink it black” is probably right around what you’re thinking at the moment. We’ve heard it all, but I’m here to tell you that that is false my friends. We actually enjoy fun! Just think about how serious a cup of coffee becomes when you take away the milk and sugar. Now add a little bit of milk and sugar, nothing crazy, and all of that bitterness and seriousness instantly vanish along with the attitude that accompanies someone who drinks their coffee black

So here is my plea to you, my black coffee drinkers; come back to the good side. Have some fun in your life! Get crazy, live a little. Add that little bit of milk and sugar (totally cool with no sugar). Reclaim that fun back in your life because I promise you that your life isn’t that bad that you need to drink your coffee black.

All in good fun my friends. Hope you enjoyed.

 

Psychopath info: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/black-coffee-psychopath_us_561baf08e4b0dbb8000f150f

Also Coffee by Medasin was on repeat throughout the entire process of making this blog:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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