Artist Above: Vladimir Manzhos
“You know, Hitler wanted to be an artist. At eighteen he took his inheritance, seven hundred kronen, and moved to Vienna to live and study… Ever see one of his paintings? Neither have I. Resistance beat him. Call it overstatement but I’ll say it anyway: it was easier for Hitler to start World War II than it was for him to face a blank square of canvas.” – Steven Pressfield, The War of Art
I fucking nailed it! I’m onto something here!
Wait…
Who am I to be saying this stuff?
Why do I think I’m qualified to write this blog in the first place?
You know, you’re pretty full of yourself, man.
*Thoughts of scrapping the whole blog persists the entire day.*
*Staring at the screen, can’t get anything going, brain fog like a mother fucker.*
What am I doing?
Just show up and do the work. Start typing. Do something, dude.
Ok, I can do that.
*Went on to have a mini breakthrough on the blog––needed that.*
Enjoy it while it last. This whole cycle will show its head a good ten more times before the blog is finished you shit stain.
My friends, this is exactly what I went through on the first couple of days working on “Rewriting the Game: Is College a Waste of Time?” This is but a short glimpse into the creative process.
Some days I find it hard to say that what I do is creative.
Yes, it does contain some elements of creative writing, but there’s so much structure to it that I often find myself at odds. It’s not on the same playing field as let’s say a work of fiction.
For that reason, I don’t consider myself one of these true creative type fellows.
The way I see it can be boiled down to a massage analogy: I can do a deep tissue massage, but I’m not a true deep tissue person, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just not what I naturally gravitate towards. I naturally gravitate towards more of a technical massage.
That’s my jam.
And for others that I work with, their jam is deep tissue. It’s what they naturally gravitate towards. They barely have to try as it’s just part of them.
So, while I may not consider myself a true creative, what I do most certainly takes part in the creative process, and it’s a bitch.
THE PROCESS
The creative process is agonizingly painful. Let’s just put that on the table right now. It’s like a never ending kick to the dick.
It will encompass everything from extreme doubt, all the way to experiencing the highest high you’ve ever felt––and, when we’re lucky, spread out across the journey, we will experience feelings that far surpass that highest high.
Those feelings are not really a high at all, but rather a calm sensation that lets you know what you are doing is exactly where you need to be.
I don’t think that anyone who participates in the creative hustle does it solely for those moments. They’re nice when they happen, but the pursuit is asking more of you. It pulls at you because something bigger than you is trying to be birthed for all the world to see.
Truthfully, that’s how writing feels sometimes, and I have to imagine that’s what any creative endeavor feels like.
When a good idea grabs ahold of me, I can’t think about much else until I’m able to find the right words, put them in a nice little package, and send them off into the world to be received by whoever––that’s the other thing.
Five hundred people can come across your work, or only one person can.
The challenging part is, can you be resilient enough to withstand the (natural) expectation hangover if only one person sees it? Or will you have enough humility to keep your composure if five hundred come across it?
Giving into either side is an poisonous barb that will only sink its hooks deeper and deeper.
Believe that your work is shit because only one person saw it, and you’ll be giving up your creative dreams long before you’ve even started. This is why the pursuit can never be a pursuit solely for money, fame, or accolades.
Indulge in the fact that five hundred have seen it, and your future work is en route to be produced by the ego, for the ego. You are no longer the conduit for the Muse as the ego believes it can do a better job. An unsustainable path that only looks to consume rather than give.
This is the dance.
And the dance will take place every day that you show up to do the work that is asked of you––if you choose to answer the call.
Will we dance our dance with grace making sure the message is put out into the world, or will we crash and burn long before it ever gets a chance to see the light of day?
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” – Martha Graham
